Michael Teachings Quiz

Objective: answer 7 questions correctly. JavaScript required!

1. WARM-UP: Michael is a spiritual entity comprised of:

2050 souls
Sobriety deprived, causal plane party animals
The starting rotation of the NY Yankees
1050 souls

2. Michael's belief system is:

Worthless, nonsensical rubbish - TAKE IT AWAY!
Not to be taken at face value, but personally validated
Only understood by the criminally insane
Solemnly embraced by shiftless winos who touch themselves

3. Michael's teacher is:

Howie Mandel
The Infinite soul
That weird Dave guy
Shirley MacLaine

4. The best way to learn your overleaves is to:

Find an experienced charlatan...uh, er...Michael channel, and spend half of your month's wages on a personal reading
Rake a pile of leaves and toss them into the air, letting the leaves fall "over" you
Eat a cricket. Don't ask why, just do it!
Ask the little man who lives in your pants

5. The cycles of soul perception are:

Infant, Baby, Young, Mature, and Old
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Larry, Curly, and Moe
Wash, Rinse, Spin

6. One characterization of an Old soul is:

Nose hairs the length of the Alaskan pipe lines
A really bad odor
Having the feeling of not fitting in
They own an aging bible signed by the original authors

7. The cutest Michael student is:

Ed Hamerstrom
Shepherd Hoodwin
Gloria Constantin
All Michael students are butt-ugly

8. Essence Twins are like biting into an apple and finding half a worm; both parts are different, yet:

They both will have the effect of making you puke to your toes
They sure don't taste like chicken
They make a perfect fit
Never again will they enjoy the taste of a really good apple

9. In order to experience "unconditional love," you must first:

Love yourself
Kiss a toad
Stockpile on Blistex
Claim hookers as tax write-offs

10. How can you tell if you're channeling Michael?:

Shirley MacLaine wants to be your groupie
The fleas of 1050 discarnate souls infest your armpit
You are suddenly besieged by lucrative underwear endorsements
A voice in your head says, "Hi! I'm Mikey"

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