Personality Test - Michael Teachings Humor

Rude Personality Test
(What's your role?)

SERVER: Is today the first day of the rest of your life -- at McDonald's?; If you're a male, do prison inmates whistle at you and call you "bitch?"; Is life what happens when you're busy scrubbing other people's pots and pans?; After making love to your spouse, do you accidentally blurt out "would you like fries with that?"; Do you have "over one million served" tattooed between your legs?; Are there a pair of cushioned pads surgically sewn to your kneecaps?; Is that cashier job at Kmart just a stepping stone to your real career as a phone psychic?; Picture this if you will...you're a single, white female, attracted to a man named Biff. You live for his bad poetry, his chronic phlegm, the smell of toilet water on his breath, and his poorly fitted Little Caesar's uniform...your life is now downtrodden and sad, and you have just stepped into...THE SERVER ZONE.
PRIEST: Have you ever fantasized about the Spanish Inquisition?; Has anyone ever accused you of trying to place a mysterious green pod in their bedroom closet?; Do you have a replica of Stonehenge in your backyard?; Is your favorite cologne called "Brimstone?"; Do you insist on signing your name in sacrificial blood?; Would you be surprised if Dr. Mengele was your task companion?; Are you no longer phased by young girls who spew split-pea soup and spin their heads around like a top?; Do you presently have the skull of a medieval monk cradled under your arm?
ARTISAN: Do you braid your armpit hair and bead your teeth?; Have you ever been so preoccupied with a project that your bladder exploded?; Do you occasionally pull out a Slim Whitman tape and yodel naked?; Is your favorite pickup line: Take off your clothes, I want to draw you?; Have you ever tried to play connect the dots using the roadkill along the highway?; Given your love for influencing the mood or flavor of what's occurring, are you the one who secretly farts in the crowded elevator?; Is Origami your reason for existence?; Have you ever had the cornea in your eyeballs pierced so that you could hang decorative ornaments from the bleeding sockets?
SAGE: Do you have enough mirrors above your bed to make a French aristocrat jealous?; Do you not only get in the last word, but the last 5000?; Generally speaking, are you generally speaking?; Do you talk loudly in crowded restaurants about your "irritable bowel syndrome?"; If money talks and bullshit walks, is it safe to assume you've heeled a well-worn path?; From the word go, have you already said a mouthful?; Have you ever accosted professional athletes by repeatedly shouting at them, "Uh, oh, Spaghetti-O's" until they punched you in the face?; For the sake of dramatic flair, do you take a baton into public restrooms and attempt to conduct the bowel movements of others?
WARRIOR: Have you ever had kennel cough, ring worm, or mange?; Can you crush more than 20 beer cans against your forehead?; Is there anything you haven't drooled on?; Have you ever received a concussion from the repeated trauma of toilet seats falling on your head?; Are your table manners best described as "simian?"; When you excuse yourself to use the restroom, do you say to your guests, "Pardon me, but I must shake hands with an old friend?"; Do you turn-up the brightness control on your TV to understand the convoluted plotlines of "Three Stooges" episodes?; Were you ever fired from a Roach motel for eating the tenants?
KING: Have you ever fantasized about kicking the shit out of Richard Simmons on national TV?; Do grassy knolls cause you to break out into a cold sweat?; Have you ever dated Marilyn Monroe?; Life's a bitch and then you chop off her head. Does that characterize your relationships?; For maximum efficiency, did you have air bags installed in the headboard of your bed?; Do you take over small, defenseless countries as a hobby?; Do bra-less, geriatric females from the Varicose Vein institute follow you around and insist on anointing your feet with raw veal?; Do you sneeze and instantly draw a crowd of disciples who inform you that they have obedient, pulsating colons?
SCHOLAR: Are you tediously dull in person, too?; Is your nose turned up so high that when you sneeze you blow your hat off?; Do you have the collective charm of a white, encrusted pimple that's bloated and ready to jettison?; Is your idea of entertainment exploring the revelations found on a Denny's menu?; Have you ever pumped 30,000 gallons of grapefruit juice into a cow for no other reason than to see how long it would rain bits of mangled flesh and cow shit on your house?; Do you argue with your dentist that the gravitational pull of your fillings are interfering with your ability to score with the babes?; Have you ever smoked pot while watching camels do it, and then documented the insights derived from the experience?; Is your antiseptic life story listed in medical journals as a safe and sane substitute for the Kervorkian machine?

Rude Personality Test (What's your role?)

Rude Personality Test
(What's your role?)